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Lately I've been distant. And I'm not sure if I should share the reason why or not, but here goes nothing. My father has terminal lung cancer and doesn't have a whole lot longer to live. There, I said it. Usually I keep personal stuff like that private, but some sort of answer seems appropriate. I don't want it seeming like I am just not interested in BookTalk or what people have to say. This is far from the truth. I'm just overwhelmed as I'm his primary caregiver.

The problem is that my father has participated on BookTalk in the past. So sharing information about his cancer is not something I have thought of as pleasant or wise. He could actually read my words. And I don't want to bring him any pain or sadness. But we have an extremely close relationship and his situation is something he understands. Still, talking about your terminally ill father while he is still alive feels weird.

Someone just mailed something very sentimental to me. But I have to keep quiet about it for a few more weeks. Shhh....

I talked to two dead teenagers Saturday and I'm still a bit shaken up about it.

Only a few nights ago I was driving through my father's subdivision after my nightly visit with him. Down a sidestreet I couldn't help but notice what appeared to be a dozen emergency vehicles with their lights spinning and flashing. There were even huge crime scene vans or trucks with bright panels of lights aimed at something I couldn't quite see from where I was at the time.

Morbid curiosity got the best of me and I headed around the block and approached this chaotic scene from a different street in hopes of figuring out the source of this commotion. As I pulled up to the lights and police cars and ambulances I had to get out of my car and walk a ways. Yellow crime scene tape was blocking traffic in both directions.

It turns out some kids were racing their silver Mustang up and down this side street over 100 mph. Neighbors had come out of their homes and stood near the street screaming for them to slow down, but whoever was driving had no intention of following anyone elses orders. He paid the ultimate price for his arrogance and perceived invincibility.

On the third high speed pass down this winding tree-lined street the driver must have lost control, veered up into the median, and smashed right into an oak tree. The neighbors that had screamed for them to slow down saw everything up close and personal. I can't imagine how horrific the sight must have been.

The driver was killed instantly. The passenger was cut out of his seat belt, probably by the same couple that tried to get them to use their heads and slow down, and...well, he died within minutes. This car was so damaged that I didn't even know it was a Mustang until someone pointed it out to me. The paramedics used the "Jaws of Life" to completely remove the roof of the car and remove the bodies - which fortunately were gone before I arrived.

The scary part is I think I talked to these kids earlier today. A silver Mustang was parked in front of a house only a few hundred feet away from where the accident happened. A group of teenagers were hanging out in the street near and leaning against the car when I stopped to ask them a question. I had just been trying to help a lost dog that was running all over the neighborhood, but the dog wouldn't let me near it...not even with the dog treats I tossed his way. So I rolled up next to these kids asked them if they knew who owned the dog. They had no idea.

I'm not sure, but I am pretty sure two of those kids were the ones killed in the car accident. I could be wrong, but the whole event kind of shook me up for days now. I've never seen a car so mangled other than in the movies. The oak tree was literally inside the car where the drivers legs must have been.

Each day I drive by the accident scene and see flowers and photos of the kids in a shrine-like array around the impact gash in the side of the tree. Candles are burning and there have been some crying people huddled around the tree a few times.

If I had left my father's house maybe 15 minutes earlier on Saturday I probably would have actually seen the impact or been one of the first to arrive on the scene. While I'm trained in CPR ad First Aid there would have been nothing possible to help them. They hit a massive oak tree at over 100 mph. I'm just glad I stayed a little later that night with my father. I don't think seeing such gore is healthy.

I'm sure working in the ER is extremely stressful and emotional. I just couldn't handle it.

Today I drove by the accident site and pointed my headlights at the memorial the victims family erected in honor of the dead. Something made me want to see the site again and I was showing it to a friend who happened to be in the car with me.